Article by
Sam Millunchick
Posted on
December 18, 2025
Article by
Sam Millunchick
Posted on
December 18, 2025
Our nervous systems are the key to all our success in life. If we can learn how to stay calm under pressure, we'll make better decisions, become better partners and spouses, better parents, and more successful people.
Rudyard Kipling wrote, to my mind, one of the best poems for these modern times:
If you can keep your head when all about youAre losing theirs and blaming it on you,If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,But make allowance for their doubting too;If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
Our nervous systems are the key to all our success in life. If we can learn how to stay calm under pressure, we'll make better decisions, become better partners and spouses, better parents, and more successful people.
That inner stability starts with self-regulation in the moment, learning to recentre and ground ourselves under fire.
For many of us, calm can be seen as a character trait, something we have or don't have. Worse, it can be seen as a moral failing if we can't get ourselves under control. But it's not a moral failing or a character trait; your physiology can run away with your emotions before you even know what's happening.
The good thing is that this is trainable, and in this week's email, I'll give you the ten best research-backed tools for staying calm in the moment.
Your performance is governed by the Autonomic Nervous System (ANS), which operates like a neural seesaw between two states:
The Sympathetic Nervous System (SNS): The “Fight or Flight” system. It mobilizes energy, increases heart rate, and dilates pupils.
The Parasympathetic Nervous System (PNS): The “Rest and Digest” system, mediated largely by the Vagus Nerve, which slows the heart and promotes connection.
The problem arises when the SNS over-activates. Metabolic resources are shunted away from the Prefrontal Cortex (the home of logic, language, and executive function) and toward the limbic system (the emotional alarm bell). This is called “cortical inhibition”.
To regain your cognitive faculties, you cannot simply “think” your way calm; top-down cognitive processing is often too slow when the amygdala has hijacked the brain.
Instead, you must use bottom-up processing, using the body to signal safety to the brain.
Best for: Acute panic
The Protocol: Inhale deeply through the nose, take a second sharp “sip” of air to fully inflate the lungs, then exhale slowly through the mouth (twice as long as the inhale) .
The Mechanism: The double inhale pops open collapsed alveoli in the lungs to offload carbon dioxide efficiently, while the long exhale triggers the “vagal brake,” physically slowing the heart.
Best for: Building long-term resilience weeks before an event.
The Protocol: Breathe at a rate of 6 breaths per minute (Inhale 5s, Exhale 5s) for 20 minutes daily.
The Mechanism: This synchronizes your heart rate with your respiration, creating “physiological coherence” and maximizing Heart Rate Variability (HRV), which correlates with executive function.
Best for: Extreme physical symptoms (shaking, heart pounding) 15 minutes prior.
The Protocol: Hold your breath and submerge your upper face (eyes/nose) in ice-cold water (or use an ice pack) for 30 seconds.
The Mechanism: A hard-wired evolutionary reflex that overrides anxiety to preserve oxygen, causing an immediate, drastic drop in heart rate (bradycardia).
Best for: Eliminating the “shakes” and trembling voice.
The Protocol: Clench your fists or thighs as hard as possible for 5 seconds, then suddenly release. Focus on the sensation of the tension draining away .
The Mechanism: This exhausts the excess kinetic energy trapped in the muscles (the felt-sense correlate of anxiety) and forces muscle fibers into a state deeper than their previous baseline relaxation.
Best for: Re-centering during a presentation without anyone noticing.
The Protocol: Soften your gaze and try to see the walls, floor, and ceiling simultaneously while looking forward.
The Mechanism: Focal/Tunnel vision is associated with threat and norepinephrine. Expanding your field of view mechanically signals the brainstem that it is safe to survey the horizon, reducing alertness .
Best for: Handling the “butterflies” in the stomach.
The Protocol: Do not say “I am calm.” Say “I am excited.”.
The Mechanism: Anxiety and Excitement are physiological twins (high arousal). It is metabolically easier to switch the valence (negative to positive) than to slam on the brakes (high arousal to low arousal) .
Best for: Stopping catastrophic thinking or dissociation.
The Protocol: Identify 5 things you see, 4 you touch, 3 you hear, 2 you smell, and 1 you taste .
The Mechanism: This forces a “resource reallocation,” shifting metabolic energy from the amygdala (fear center) back to the prefrontal cortex to process sensory data.
Best for: Creating stability and alertness 2 minutes before stage.
The Protocol: Inhale 4s, Hold 4s, Exhale 4s, Hold 4s .
The Mechanism: Used by Navy SEALs, the breath holds increase CO2 tolerance and the rhythmic counting occupies working memory to block intrusive thoughts.
Best for: The “Green Room” prep.
The Protocol: Hum a low “Mmmmmm” sound for the entire length of an exhalation.
The Mechanism: This vibrates the laryngeal muscles (innervated by the vagus nerve) and increases nasal Nitric Oxide production by 15-fold, which lowers blood pressure.
Best for: Lowering baseline cortisol levels on the day of the event.
The Protocol: Tap on specific meridian points (eyebrow, side of eye, collarbone) while acknowledging the fear.
The Mechanism: Creates a “mismatch experience” in the brain—thinking about the fear while sending safe tactile signals—which disrupts the fear memory and can reduce cortisol by up to 43%.
The thing I tell all my clients is that the goal of high-performance communication is not to be devoid of feelings, but to be regulated. Every human being in the history of the world has feelings and those feelings affect their performance (even the most gifted athletes and performers). By using and understanding these mechanisms, you transition from being a victim of your biology to being its operator.
Book a free 30-minute strategy session with me.
I guarantee it’ll be the most productive half-hour you've had in years. We’ll dig into your specific challenges and you’ll leave with actionable tips you can use right away.
In the startup world, the best communicator often wins. Make sure that's you.
As a coach to founders and executives, I cut past tactics and polish to help you speak with clarity, authority, and conviction.